Today isn't a good day.
My exams have started. I had one yesterday, which went okay. But the day as a whole was a stressful, pointless day. Buses not arriving, buses being late, being forced to look after my sister and dogs whilst not being able to relax, while my parents go out and have fun.
And today, it's just. I don't know. I woke up feeling very insecure and angry and upset. For no reason whatsoever. The need to cut is so strong at the minute. So instead, I dragged my fist along the wall and took the skin off my knuckles. That's not much better than cutting and it's still self-harm so really, I'm not doing any better. I haven't relapsed because I never stopped.
And I'm just generally feeling miserable. I have no motivation to revise even though I have three exams next week to revise for. I need to eat but I don't want to eat and we don't have anything in anyway.
And on a day that my mother and I actually get along, we decided we'd go out for lunch today. You know, to bond and shit. Except she's so wrapped up in her own egotistical self that she forgot I exist and has ignored me most of the day.
I just want to scream and bash my head against a wall.
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