It's you, it's all for you.

What I wouldn't give to feel some kind of emotion towards people. Romantic, intimate emotion.

I want to be able to lie with somebody, cuddle them, just be with them, and be completely comfortable with that. To not freak out or flinch away when they do something as simple as lightly tap my arm. I want to get that buzz of excitement and happiness at just hearing their name. I want to smile like an idiot until my cheeks when I think about them. I want butterflies at the sight of them. I want to sigh contently and lose myself in their eyes. I want to smile while kissing them. I want to fall asleep in their arms and not care about the physical contact or the intimacy. I want nights of passion. I want to play video games with them, eat takeaways and lounge about in our underwear and scruffs. I want to wake them up with a cup of tea and I want to paint with them. I want to lie in an open field with them and count the stars. I want to cry with them, laugh with them. I want to have an argument so explosive that for a moment, I'm tempted to walk away. But then they'll pull me into them and kiss me, and I'll remember everything I love about them.

But more than anything, I just want to feel wanted. I don't want somebody who would rather binge drink and do drugs instead of chilling with me. I don't want someone who forces me to do those things, or guilt-trip me for not wanting to have sex.

Is it so much to ask for someone who won't make me hate myself more than I already do?